Intro
Do your emotions create your thoughts? Do your thoughts create your emotions?
What comes first, a thought or a feeling?
Are you thinking anxious thoughts because you're anxious or are you anxious because you're thinking anxious thoughts?
Oh yes, this topic goes deep. Like way deep.
And chances are you've already visited these depths of your mind. But never with the tool I am about to introduce you to.
For this exercise, we will suppose that Thoughts inform what you're Feeling.
We will also suppose that Feelings are what drive your Actions.
As a satellite idea, we will also suppose that Thoughts over time become beliefs, and beliefs are so ingrained that we don't even know they are something we chose to believe, it's just how we perceive reality.
Here's a mental tool that I learned from a popular life coach. It's creator calls it "the model."
It has 5 parts.
C - Circumstance
T - Thought
F - Feeling
A - Action
R - Result
Steps
01
On a piece of paper start free writing all of your current thoughts. These don't have to be coherent. They also don't have to follow or fit a category. A good stopping point here is when you're slowing down in articulating any new thoughts.
02
Assess what you've written. Find one that is the most particular to you. It could be the most emotionally charged thought. Does one in particular jump out at you?
03
On another piece of paper, write a column of letters "C T F A R." Leave enough space to write down a sentence next to each letter. Plug the thought you've selected from step 02 into the "T" line of your CTFAR column.
Next start filling the rest of this out. For "C," what is the circumstance that your thought is predicated on?
Circumstances should be factual. Circumstances are something that could be admitted into a court of law. "Jane broke my heart," is a thought. "Jane is no longer talking to me and said she doesn't want to be my partner" is the circumstance.
C - Jane is no longer talking to me
T - Jane broke my heart
Now, for "F," take a step back and think about how that thought is making you feel.
C - Jane is no longer talking to me
T - Jane broke my heart
F - Broken, empty, sad, a knot in my throat
For "A," what action does the feeling make you take?
C - Jane is no longer talking to me
T - Jane broke my heart
F - Broken, empty, sad, a knot in my throat
A - Refuse to go out
Finally, for "R," what result do you have from your action?
C - Jane is no longer talking to me
T - Jane broke my heart
F - Broken, empty, sad, a knot in my throat
A - Refuse to go out
R - I stay indoors and never get my mind off of this.
04
By now, you should have a working model of how your thought about a circumstance influenced the end result.
Now for the most difficult, and arguably fun part.
Write out another CTFAR column of letters.
Take the same Circumstance, but now imagine a new thought for yourself. This should be deliberate. You might have many alternative thoughts to think about a circumstance. Luck you! Capture them all, but choose one to plug into the T line.
What would be the Feeling, Action, and Result from your new thought?
C - Jane is no longer talking to me
T - I have experienced profound love and have found I have a gigantic capacity to love
F - Grateful, melancholy
A - Write a poem, maybe go for a walk at a museum to contemplate the big themes in life
R - Explore myself from a new perspective, open up new opportunities in my day
Conclusion
This model and much of Brooke Castillo's podcasts have influenced my professional and personal life.
I went through a period where I would do daily thought downloads and put models together.
I love this little exercise, because it can aid in sense-making in a frenetic world where we're always on the move, looping from our phones to whatever demands our immediate attention.
It's meditative, but with structure.
Working with this technique and taking new actions will change how you see yourself and the world.
"Emotions are not reactions to the world; they are your constructions of the world.”" - Lisa Feldman Barrett, Professor, Neuroscientist, How Emotions Are Made
"Are you creating your thoughts? Or, are your thoughts creating you?" - Brooke Castillo, Life Coash, It Was Always Meant to Happen that Way
References
Check back later for examples! - JJ 3/7/23
Resources
How Emotions Are Made
This book will introduce you an alternative way of thinking about what emotions are. My favorite concepts are the 1) creating your own and 2) emotional granularity.
Buy on Amazon
Self Coaching 101
If you've ever considered life coaching, start here.
Buy on Amazon
The Life Coach School Podcast
The show is up to hundreds of episodes deep. While it is generally a marketing funnel for people who might want to become life coaches, the value of the content for anybody trying to better themselves is an absolute steal. Do yourself a favor and check it out!
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